How I met my husband on Tinder
Finding a life partner has always been important to me. I confess that I spent a lot of time in my early twenties devouring books about dating, finding ‘the one’ and having healthy boundaries in place (hello The Rules, Why Men Love Bitches etc.).
I knew from The Rules to only accept a Saturday night date if he asks before Wednesday — as if that’s how things work in the 21st Century. I knew that dating is a numbers game and you really do have to kiss (date) a lot of frogs before finding your prince. I knew to trust a man’s actions over his words, and I knew not to get emotionally invested until we were both ready to commit to a relationship.
I forget exactly when I downloaded Tinder, but it was probably very early 2016. I matched with and met plenty of lovely guys before finding the man who is now my husband, and I’d like to share my system of making Tinder an efficient radar for quality men, rather than the enormous time-suck that it can turn into (from what I remember).
*Please note that the following advice is for those looking for a serious, long-term relationship. No judgement if that’s not your thing. If a fling is what you’re after then go ahead and swipe all day long.*
It’s a very simple method, but I believe it’s helpful on many different levels.
Only spend 15 minutes per day on Tinder
Let’s go over some reasons why this is an excellent idea:
- It forces you to carry on with life as normal. The times when we are busy and happy with our single life are the times we are most attractive to potential partners — you’re not nervously looking around trying to catch people’s eye or spending hours obsessing over who might match with you or not. You have your own life, and dating is a fun extracurricular activity, not the whole focus.
- It leaves 23 hours and 15 minutes each day for eligible people to match with you. When you log on later, Tinder will show you these matches first, so you get the ego-boost of a higher proportion of matches and more people to choose from — hurray!
- It prevents endless messaging conversations that go nowhere. As soon as a potential match realises that you are not looking for a penpal, they’ll step up and ask for your number if they’re worthy and interested. When you can only message once or twice per day, it slows things down (which is good) and means you’ll probably meet up sooner (if you want to).
- You won’t take it too seriously and it won’t take over your life. Similar to reason one, you do not want to be seen as online all the time and constantly available for messaging. Yikes. Keep an air of mystery. Trust me.
- Don’t message first. Let them come to you. If you have no new messages, swipe away for the full 15 minutes. If you do have messages (which you will) respond to those first and spend the rest of the time swiping.
I’d like to take a moment here to add that it’s worth spending time creating a profile that reflects who you are honestly and what you are really looking for. Have a flattering but honest and recent headshot as well as a recent full-body shot. Be clear about what you are looking for. In my profile I literally said something along the lines of:
“…as a 6 foot woman I will be giving extra credit to men taller than me.”
You might think this would put some men off matching with and messaging me, and you’d be absolutely right. If you think that’s a bad thing to do however you’d be absolutely wrong. You only want to be contacted by potential partners, not any random person who thinks you’re fit.
You have no idea how many messages I received from men who wanted the extra credit, it was brilliant! So, have a think about what you are looking for and say it in your profile. Keep it positive though or you risk sounding bitter. No mention of previous heartbreak or break-ups. Keep it light.
If you are looking for a husband on Tinder, the following should be an automatic swipe left…
- Anyone with more than one person in their photo, you need to be clear who the person is.
- Anyone with no photo at all. These men usually turn out to be married.
- Anyone with an empty profile.
- Anyone with anything in their profile that gives you the ick. This will be different for everyone, but for me it was lots of group photos from nights out, smoking, anyone who messages you anything inappropriate. Quality men will be on their best behaviour if they are looking for a relationship.
- Anyone who you are not physically attracted to — duh! Life is too short and there are too many great people out there to settle for someone who isn’t pleasing to your eye.
Final thoughts on this: have fun and keep the faith. Build a life that makes you so happy that finding a partner is just the cherry on top.
Happy swiping.
